EDITOR:

Donald J. Trump is now in office. I have supported him in the past and will continue to do so unless he makes some boneheaded move like buying Greenland and making it a state. Greenland? Cmon man! Why would you want to waste money on another frozen wasteland (remember Alaska) like that or Canada. I mean why would you even consider something like that when you have a perfectly good, cold area with low population and speak a regional form of English not Danish or French. I am, of course, talking about our Upper Peninsula (Superior 51).

Economy? Hey, we’ve got trees for sale, ores in the ground, and the toll booths for the bridge are on our side. We have a state song – Second Week of Deer Camp , a state dish – Pasties (with gravy and rutabeggy) State bird is the Ruffed Grouse. What have they got – Auks and Puffins? Ever eat one of those. Gag! Hey, what do those people eat? I’ve seen them and they must export Danish pastries cause none of them that I’ve seen look too well fed. Couple of blueberry pies would fix that in a hurry.

Do they have any fishing besides ice-fishing? Ever heard of a Greenland pimple or a Danish pimple – course not. We have the real deal, the Swedish Pimple and (most importantly) its made right here in Esky.

We’d have to abandon our traditional garb of wool red and black checkered Mackinaw’s, matching wool pants, ball caps or Kromers with chain saw oil stains and swampers . We’d just end up looking like tourists in our own land. We don’t follow fashions we create them. No cable-knit sweaters and seal skin boots for me.

Mr. President, we’ve got everything needed for a new state, let the Trolls stay below the bridge. Come up for a week stay and I’ll feed you some pasties, properly cooked venison backstraps and we’ll go trollin’ for northerns. We can go golfing with carts (not snow machines) but you’ve got to keep your golf balls out of the woods or the deer will mistake them for mushrooms and leave bite marks on them.

Hope you can take me up on my offer. I’ll introduce you to a bunch of really terrific, ready made Americans.

Patriot and loyal Yooper,

Michael A. Glass

Nahma