Many parents struggle with setting boundaries for their children. Their day could begin with arguing over chores, who their friends are, computer use, video games, cell phone usage, or cleaning their room. The above list could go on and on. The struggle continues until it reaches a point where the parent acquiesces, instead of enforcing a boundary. This pattern of power struggle continues until it is learned by the child that if they are persistent, they will succeed in getting their way.

On the other hand, some parents rationalize their lack of setting/enforcing boundaries for the following reasons: It might affect the child’s self-esteem; it’s not democratic; the child will dislike them; and they want to be the child’s best friend. This is a huge disservice to children because as they mature, their learned tactics may affect not only their social life, but also their work environment. The sad thing is this pattern is common in many homes throughout the United States.

So, before this transpires, one question that could possibly be posed might be, “When are they going to be the parent and establish and enforce boundaries on their child/children?” The rationale for this is that it is easier to teach children when they are young, rather than when they are older. Below are some suggestions that one may possibly explore when a child does not follow directions/rules.

1. Consequences – When a child chooses to misbehave, logical consequences should be enforced. They may range from loss of computer privileges, video games, or cell phones. However, it is crucial that a specific time limit be given that dovetails with the severity of their behavior.

2. Adhering to a plan – When consequences are enforced, it is paramount that the plan is followed through. By following through with the plan, the message to the children is how serious you are with your expectations. Parents most likely will receive resistance, so be prepared, consistent, and persistent. Please understand that these behaviors have been learned and change will probably not transpire overnight. Be patient.

3. Praise – When the child begins to change in a positive manner, praise them for the improvements that they are making. You should be sincere about the praise and offer lots of it.

4. Love – Above all, continually tell your child that you love them. Explain to them why you love them regardless of the negative choices they make.

In conclusion, to change a child’s behavior, a parent needs to give logical consequences, follow through, praise, and love. Remember, being a parent is stepping up and taking those tough stands. It is what He has entrusted us as parents to do.

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Daniel J. Paul is a retired school administrator. His columns focus on education, old-fashioned family values, relationships, and other topics. To submit comments email meaningfuldifferences@gmail.com.