Dear Annie: My husband pouts and refuses to come with me when I visit our kids and grandkids, choosing instead to stay home watching TV and playing on his computer. I used to make excuses for him — saying he was busy or doing chores — but now I just tell the truth: “Grandpa’s crabby and staying home.”

His father used to fake stomachaches and headaches to get out of things, and now he’s doing the same. When he started that routine with me a few weeks ago, I called him out: “I understand you don’t want to go, but I won’t accept you lying about it. Either get moving or stop playing games.”

I’ve spent years being the accommodating, overly sweet wife who got walked all over. But I’m done. If he wants to act like a child, I’ll treat him like one. He refuses counseling — because, of course, there’s “nothing wrong” with him.

So, should I just keep doing my own thing and let him stay home? Or is it time to consider whether I’d be happier without him? — Tired of Making Excuses

Dear Making Excuses: You are done making excuses for him. Your letter indicated that you’ve already figured it out — let him stay home and stop making excuses for him. If people ask where he is, simply say, “He’d rather stay home,” and leave it at that. Any further questions can go straight to him.

You can’t force someone to engage, but you can choose how much his behavior affects you. If you’re happier doing things without him, keep doing them. If his absence is making you question the relationship itself, that’s a bigger question only you can answer. Either way, don’t let his sulking control your life. He is the one missing out on precious grandchildren time.

Dear Annie: Spending time with one of my closest friends has become exhausting. She constantly talks about how unhappy and lonely she is and then pressures me to make future plans — even while we’re already together. She doesn’t take steps to improve her life, has no hobbies or interests, and our conversations often feel dull.

I care about her and enjoy occasional dinners or events, but she wants far more — long trips, holiday celebrations, frequent gift exchanges — things I simply don’t have time for. I have a busy life and a large family, and I can’t be the one to fill the emptiness in hers.

I feel guilty because no matter how much time I give, it’s never enough. She seems to make me responsible for her happiness, and I always fall short. If I told her she needs to build her own life, I fear it would shatter her. But after years of politely dodging her constant requests, I’m frustrated and drained.

Is this friendship worth saving? Am I wrong for not wanting to give more? — Feeling Drained

Dear Drained: You are not a bad person for having boundaries. Your friend is leaning on you for fulfillment that only she can create for herself.

You don’t have to cut her off entirely, but you do need to set clear limits. Be kind but firm; let her know you value her, but you simply can’t meet all her emotional needs. Encourage her to explore new interests and build a more independent social life. If she resists or makes you feel guilty, remember: You are not responsible for fixing her loneliness.

Suggest that maybe she needs to speak to a professional. Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish; it’s necessary.

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Annie Lane’s second anthology — “How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.