That gnawing feeling that things just don’t add up, the unanswered questions, sometimes avail themselves in the midst of a relationship or friendship. We may choose to act on these or wave them off. What they are called are “Red Flags.” They are warning signs of possible roadblocks that may have a severe negative impact on one’s emotional well-being.

Many of the red flags are subtle, but their impact may be most profound. Recognizing these warning signs can be enlightening as well as liberating. This article will explore some examples on how to identify the red flags of emotional manipulation.

Manipulation of personal perception – These manipulators may deny previous conversations or understandings that they had with you. They may even state that you’re too sensitive or overreacting.

Emotional blackmail – They may portray themselves as the victim, thus seeking self-pity from others. The ultimate goal is for sympathy and control.

Information filter – Another difference perspective that they may attempt is to control information, either by withholding or distorting it.

Gaslighting – This manipulation contains denial, lies, and/or the distortion of the truth to confuse. When confronted about this, manipuators may blame and deflect. Accountability may be a foreign word to them.

So, how does one deal with these red flags? 

Boundaries – Establish clear and concise limits and communicate them in a firm manner. Define what you find unacceptable and follow through; say what you mean and mean what you say.

Emotional well-being – Establish a physical distance between yourself and the manipulator, thus reducing their influence. This could be done by limiting phone calls, social media contacts, and activities together.

Support – Surround yourself with persons who will positively assist and advocate for you. These persons will not be manipulators but will only be concerned for your well-being and may be a great sounding board. They may be family, friends, or a therapist.

Prioritize your self-care – Engaging in positive self-care could range from physical activity, prayer, self-reflecting, and finding new activities that you may enjoy doing.

Reevaluate your relationship with the manipulator – Consider if the relationship is healthy and sustainable for yourself. If not, then make the decision and stand steadfast, even though the manipulator may make many attempts to reach out to you. Establishing your boundaries and emphatically expressing yourself is tantamount in these situations.

The ability to identify the “red flags” of manipulators will aid you in the development of firm boundaries. This may possibly enhance your own mental well-being. You may also seek professional help in this process. May God bless you on the journey of self well-being.

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Daniel J. Paul is a retired school administrator. His columns focus on education, old-fashioned family values, relationships, and other topics. To submit comments email meaningfuldifferences@gmail.com.