×

Blindsided by wife’s betrayal

Dear Annie: Three months ago, I came home from lunch and my wife had packed up her closet and said: “I’m sorry, but I’m no longer in love with you. I’m bored and lonely, and I’m moving out.”

We have been together 33 years and married 32 years. It was devastating to say the least. Since then, we have spent some time together going to the gym and getting dinner. So she moved back in last week.

Then, after one day, I could tell she was uneasy. She stated she felt it was still too early to live with me again and that she was still not in love with me and still not sure if she wants to be married anymore.

We have never fought or argued about anything our entire marriage. She said not one word to me about this decision at the time. She will not go to see a counselor with me at this point. She states that she is the one who changed and that I’m a wonderful man and a great husband, father and provider. What must I do to regain her love for me? I miss her terribly! – Emotionally Devastated and Depressed

Dear Devastated and Depressed: I am so sorry that your wife gave up on your marriage without so much as an explanation. That must be incredibly confusing and difficult to accept.

Unfortunately, things won’t get better unless both of you are committed to fixing your marriage. If she’s not, then you’re better off moving on — easier said than done, but time heals all wounds.

Dear Annie: My husband is in prison. I don’t want to get into the details about why he is there. It’s mostly for context. My mother-in-law has told me that him being gone has affected her more than it has me because she’s his mother and nothing will change that. I can throw him away as my husband, but she can’t throw him away as her son. But I’m navigating life without him, and it’s hard. I was pregnant with our second child when he was arrested. Our older child was 6 years old. We still speak, and we are not divorced.

How do I deal with what my mother-in-law says when she screams at me that this whole situation is worse for her? I didn’t know we were competing, and quite frankly, we are both losing, so I don’t know what she wants me to do. She insists I always say it’s worse for me but never gives me a “For instance” because I’ve never done that. That just tells me she doesn’t think I have any right to be affected by this.

My husband’s sister has also been getting on my nerves. She’s gone on medication for anxiety and depression since my husband went to prison but won’t go to a therapist, and it shows. Nobody thinks she should have to because she has a master’s degree in psychology. She’s not a psychologist or anything. She has degrees but won’t use them. Should I just cut off contact with them? — Family Drama

Dear Family Drama: You’re absolutely right. It’s not a competition between you and your mother-in-law — or anyone else in your family, for that matter — over who is in the most pain. The next time your MIL goes down this road, acknowledge her feelings but don’t feel like you have to diminish your own. If this continues, take whatever distance you need to protect your peace of mind and your children’s.

The same goes for your sister-in-law. You can’t control how she decides to cope with this situation either, but you can put boundaries in place so that it doesn’t negatively impact you or your kids.

— — —

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.

Starting at $2.99/week.

Subscribe Today