Dear Annie: My mother-in-law is currently living with my husband and me. She insisted she needed to move in with us, as she was divorcing her husband who received a much larger retirement than her and she was convinced she couldn’t live on her own. She owned her house outright but refused to stay in it because she felt the upkeep of the land would be too much. My husband was worried that if we said no, we would lose that relationship, and we believed that she could be able to compromise and live peacefully with us as she stated that she valued honesty and compromise the way we do. (We both see in hindsight that this was flawed, but we never had any reason to doubt her at the time).

She contributed funds to assist us in buying the house (a major sticking point), and we all moved in and quickly found out she is not what she presents to be. She is mean, vindictive and manipulative. She expects my husband, who is autistic and absolutely needs decompress time, to drop everything as soon as she demands it to assist her with something, like he did when he used to live with her. When he tells her no, she becomes passive aggressive and cold. We try to establish boundaries, and it makes our home a war zone.

Annie, I have PTSD. I suffered a lot of abuse in my life, and this kind of conflict puts me on major edge. I have panic attacks in my room, and I obsess over every little thing she does to try to understand it, because I’m constantly in survival mode. We are afraid to try to “kick her out” because my husband is worried about the effect the fall-out will have on me, so we’re waiting for the divorce to finalize and for her to have more money than she thought so that she’ll decide to leave since she hated living with us (something I’m not sure will happen, but we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it).

My big question is, how do I find peace through all of this? How do I care for myself and my husband without letting her continue to mess me up? I am struggling so hard in this situation, to the point that my husband and I don’t invite friends or family over because we’re worried about the impact. I just want some peace with my husband. — Drowning in Drama

Dear Drowning in Drama: Right now you are in a limbo period. You are waiting to have your living situation changed and go back to the way it was. Sounds like your mother-in-law’s moving out will be beneficial for all of you. While you are waiting, repeat the serenity prayer: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

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“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.