FLINT - One can only endure so much before one must act.
My god, it's been half a year since reasonable weather! Six. Months. That's more than any human being should have to endure. Forgive me, Al Gore, but right now a little global warming seems like a pretty good thing.
And so I'd like to introduce Weather Whiners of America, an organization I just made up that is dedicated to the proposition that whining about crummy weather is better than doing nothing about it at all.
You are hereby invited to join. All you have to do is raise your right hand. (Go ahead. I mean right now.) Then repeat after me: "I (state your name)."
If instead of actually stating your name you did the old "Animal House" shtick of literally saying "State your name," you're in. We like smart alecks at WWA (which sounds like "waaa!" which is appropriate indeed).
And if you didn't? Well, you're in, too. At WWA, we don't discriminate.
In fact, we have no rules, standards, ethics, meetings, newsletters or dues whatsoever. All we have is a Facebook page, which you can find by typing Weather Whiners of America into your Facebook search bar.
Once there, feel free to "like" the page and use it to air your weather-related grievances. Trust me, the second you do, you'll feel better. Misery loves company.
You can also:
- Upload photos of the lousy, drippy, cold, depressing, gray, crappy, threatening weather you encounter and endure.
- Tell us about the happy, optimistic, self-righteous people in your life who love to ruin a good weather whine by saying, "But I love the snow" or "If you don't like the weather here, then move" or, worst of all, "The weather's terrible now but it'll be better soon!" There's only one thing better than whining about the weather and that's hating weather optimists.
- Post clips of TV weathercasters getting the weather criminally wrong so we can heap upon them the scorn and condemnation they so richly deserve.
Two things, by the way, inspired the creation of WWA. First, the current "spring" (term used loosely) weather. Seriously, can you remember a worse one? I understand that, like the Prince song says, sometimes it snows in April. But does it have to snow, sleet, rain and freeze every single day in April? And March? And February? And January? And December? And November?
If you agree, you're definitely WWA material.
The second inspiration: a photo on Facebook by Christine Cimala of a snowman wearing sunglasses on Drummond Island holding a sign saying, "Spring is here!"
The painful irony of the photo got me thinking, "Hey, maybe I'm not alone. Maybe others have suffered by holding in the daily negative feelings they have about the weather. And maybe they, too, have been pining for a place of their own to freely vent their disgust at what Mother Nature - that cold-hearted she-devil - has to offer."
Thus WWA was born and history was made. Join us.
Visit WWA and vent on proudly. You have nothing to lose but your frustration.
EDITOR'S NOTE - Andy Heller, an award-winning columnist, appears weekly in the Daily Press. He graduated from Escanaba Area High School in 1979. Write to Andrew Heller at email@example.com or follow him on Facebook and Twitter.